Chains...

From the top of my skull inside there is a string of some kind.  It and runs from my mind clear down through my spine and grabs all of my private thoughts and parts, this string even tugs at my heart. Today this string has turned into a chain, no longer light and giving, its strong and controlling.  I need relief.  I feel like I am being turned inside out and pulled in every direction that nowhere has been. Nothingness.

Nothingness plays his part today… in my mind, in my heart, in my pussy… everywhere my string runs the chain that binds me. In knots my soul is twisted. My mind can’t stand another thought, my heart can stand another beat, my pussy can’t cum knowing you’ll leave me.  I’m in pain. 

Here is a door inside my mind, it has cobwebs around the outside, for I haven’t opened it in a long time. A person and I use to know lived there… but I never knew her name but whenever I was in trouble best believe she always came.  I know it wasn't a rescue mission because nothing good ever came out of that door, but at least I’d forget who I was for a spell until I could feel secure. That door has been locked for at least seven years but before that it was open for ten years or more.  Today I feel like I should open the door and step in and never come out.  Lock myself in for the rest of my days and forget what my life’s been about.  I’ve never been inside the door, only let the women inside be free.  I think maybe now this time for a change, I’ll let the one man inside be me.

When I look back to all the yesterdays, I’ve been through a lot I must say but I think all the heart aches I’ve had in my past have made me old and gray. Like a cripple old lady with nothing to gain but another wrinkle with time. I’ve lived my life a thousand times and tonight I don’t want to do it again.

We’re born into a world that is nothing but change… for the worst and never the better. The longer we live the harder it gets and right now I don’t think it’s worth it.  We struggle all of our lives for just a glimpse at happiness and happiness is always a reach. It’s always there just like the sun, the stars and the moon, only happiness is in the universe of our souls. If only as imperfect people we could let go.  let go of the pain in the right hand and the suffering in the left, maybe we might be able to touch it.

Another struggle of my life because I can’t let go, either the pain or the suffering never both getting so every time I typed happiness something inside says no.  I want it, I feel it, and I know I need it but the struggles and pains of my past won’t let go. I ruin it and my pain and suffering get heavier and heavier until now I can’t carry it any more.