What Got Left Behind…

I went to New York City for 5 days on a vacation. I took my Baby with me and I had a fantastic time. We went sight seeing like true tourists, hit a couple Broadway shows, ate Philly Cheese steaks, visited the Empire State Building, got lost on the subway, ate Huge Slices of Pizza Pie, visited Harlem and the Apollo theater, even went to ground zero. It was a fun filled week.

When it was time to go I packed up all my belongings and rushed to the airport. I couldn’t wait to see my boyfriend and get back to our loving routine. Logan picked me up from the airport and drove me home. I was so happy. As I was unpacking from my week long trip it slowly dawns on me… I forgot the one thing I could not afford to forget.

I left my Baby at the hotel!

I immediately jump on the phone and ring the W Hotel. The clerk answers the line and I say to her, “I really need your help. I left my Baby at the Hotel. I was in Room 618 did anyone find it?”, Of course the clerk was surprised to hear I left my baby behind and you could hear the confusion in her voice, “I’m sorry, you did what?”

The alarm I felt when I realized I left my Baby behind, might resemble the worry of a mother who’s child has wandered off in the grocery store. I tried to stay calm and not panic. Praying the store manager has my child, or in this case, lost and found has my Baby. I ran through different scenarios in my head over and over, mad at myself for being so careless.  Wondering to myself, what if this was it, what if I never see my Baby again?

My Baby... how will I sleep at night without you? Have I ever been without you? I can’t remember a time you weren’t here with me. Loosing Baby would be pure devastation because there is only one, and no other could take her place.

You might be surprise to hear that once upon a time Baby was a throw pillow from a sofa chair. I don’t remember when she became mine, but over there years my dependency grew to the point I couldn’t sleep with anything else.

Once I remember seeing a brand new “Baby”, I forget where I was, probably at someone’s house but I remember seeing the familiar brown furry face of what looked like the size of Baby and saying, “Hey! You have my Baby”, and I picked it up and I squeezed it, held it up to my face.  It looked like Baby, but it didn’t feel like Baby. That is when I realized, there will never be another Baby.

Baby is the perfect size, a 12 x 12 square of brown furry fluff no bigger than my head. I love Baby because she fit right under my head and supported my neck like no other pillow could do and she traveled well. I could toss her in my carry on luggage and go. She was my comfort every place I went. Baby is my long time companion and friend that I needed and depended upon. I don’t remember when Baby came into my life, I just remember her always being there

.

Baby was there when I was 13 and my heart was broken for the first time by Raymeon Witt. I cried… so hard… man did I cry.

Baby was there when I was 18 and made the decision to have an abortion because I felt I was too young to have a real baby. She was there when I got married in Las Vegas. She was there when I was 25 and decided I was ready to have a baby. She was there through all the try’s and failures of pregnancy. She was there at 28 and the devastating realization that I may never have a baby. Baby was always there…

If baby could talk, I wonder what stories she would tell?

Baby traveled with me every where I went. If I stayed at a friends house, Baby would come. If I flew out of town, Baby would come. Baby was a staple in my life. Anyone who knew me intimately knew that Baby was the only pillow for me.

It never failed, anyone who knew me well knew they could use my Baby as leverage to get what they want. They would take my Baby as hostage and make me surrender to their wants and desires. Over time, baby began to get ripped and torn over some of the pillow fights and tug of wars I would have over her. I would get so upset if anyone tried to use my Baby for their own comfort. Everyone knew, don’t mess with my Baby!

Baby has been sewn up and re-sewn up, stuffed and re-stuffed. I refused to let her go, how could I ever replace Baby, there was no pillow out there like her. As she grew older and time was having its way with Baby I began keeping my eyes open for a new baby, but to this day, Baby remains my all time favorite.

I loved to decorate my bed with coordinated comforter sets and lots of matching pillows but there, standing out like a sore thumb, on top of all the other pillows my Baby rested and when it was time to go to sleep I would take off all 6 pillows and use only one; Baby.

Something about Baby gave me the best nights rest. Any other pillow just wouldn’t do, I would wake up with a crick in my neck from not being properly supported.  With baby I never had that problem, I was spoiled by my Baby. So I took her every where I go. If Baby wasn’t around, she was so missed… I just refused to use any other pillow.  

So that fateful day in June 2003 when I left Baby behind I immediately felt lost. I begged management to please… PLEASE find my Baby!

They found her. YES!!! Thank Jehovah God, they found her!!

The W Hotel management was great! They Fed-ex’d my Baby back to me next day and I was so happy, so grateful. I swore I would never leave Baby behind again. Never!

That was the last trip I took baby on.

A year later she quickly began to break down. Her woven fur cover that once held firm began to succumb to time. Her material was weakened by all the years of love and like ashes to ashes and dust to dust, the material was easily broken and torn. I had to find a way to let her go. No amount of sewing could repair my Baby. Everyday I would find evidence of Baby’s inside stuffing falling out in small sprinkles around the bed. It was getting harder and harder to support me like she once did. . .

Once upon a time Baby was just a throw pillow from a sofa chair... I don’t remember that? To me, Baby was a whole lot more. I didn’t want to see her go… Maybe I am the one that was left behind?

I remember once… I saw a brand new “Baby”. I picked it up and I squeezed it, held it up to my face.  It looked like Baby, but it didn’t feel like Baby. My baby had the been broken in over the years and had the perfect amount of filling. She was just right for me. Not taught and over stuffed but warn down and perfect on the inside. I knew then, there would be no replacing Baby because it was time and love that made Baby who she was. 

Baby and I have a lot in common… time and love is shaping me into the woman I am. I am becoming warn on the outside and my age is beginning to show, but my insides are maturing to perfection. My heart and my mind radiate outward. The level of my thinking, my ability to reason, comprehend, communicate, love and show gratitude, I am get better with age. I am someone’s Baby, I am their comfort and their support… Even when I am out of sight I am not out of mind. I am always there.

Whatever happened to Baby?

Oh, she is still with me, tucked away safely in my closet where no more damage can be done. I miss her still… I will miss her always… I will never have another Baby. Even though she is out of sight, she is not out of mind. I will never forget my Baby.

Am I sleeping at night?

Sure, I do alright… Micro fiber is the new and improved stuffing of choice so I do alright. It aint Baby but it is better than nothing.