A check up from the neck up...

I remember waiting in the traditional ‘Waiting room” area and looking around at the few other faces in the room. Glancing around wondering to myself, I wonder what their problem is? The funny thing is, they all LOOKED like they had issues. Do I look like that? Do I wear a tired look of distress on my face? Do my shoulders roll forward, do my eyes seem vacant is my appearance unkempt?  Maybe, maybe not – but one thing for sure is, we all have issues. Before I could imagine and develop the issues of my characters scenarios I heard my name called.

Ms. Scott?

It was Dr. Elane, she was a thin Hispanic lady, average looking, nothing remarkable about her stature and she didn’t have a noticeable Spanish accent. Could this woman hold the answer to my problems?

She lead me down the hall to her modest office where the door was already open. The room was small and windowless, but had a dim glow from a light in the corner. On the right side of the room had a small, very organized desk and chair and on the left side was a book shelf with knickknacks and a library of psychological books and on the long side of the room was a sofa. I assumed that was for me, the typical shrink couch.

I nervously sat in the middle of the couch, on the edge of the seat with my hands clamped in front of my mouth…  fearing the conversation that was about to happen.

Elane took a seat in her desk chair, casually leaned back like as though she had heard it all before, looked me right in the eyes and said ,  “So, Ms. Scott, why are you here?”.

My heart raced for the door. She was blunt and straight to the point. I don’t know what else I expected, but I now felt the pressure to speak now, or forever hold my peace at $40/per session. A small price to pay for a check up from the neck up. Thank God for insurance.

I distinctly remember, in that exact moment, where I thought I wouldn't be able to speak, I pushed away the fear and spoke matter-of-factly about how I was feeling. It was very emotional for me, as I heard myself speak the words for the first time out loud, and I cried the entire session, but I did it.

“I’m here because..."