Challenge: What ONE thing can you do today to forgive?

(Let that marinate for a second……)

The Definition of Forgive: for·give [ fər gív ] VERB

1.  transitive and intransitive verb stop being angry about something: to stop being angry about or resenting somebody or somebody's behavior

2.  transitive verb pardon somebody: to excuse somebody for a mistake, misunderstanding, wrongdoing, or inappropriate behavior

3.  transitive verb cancel obligation: to cancel an obligation such as a debt

Did you openly consider what you could do or did you tense up at the thought? UGH!

Thats what she said...

I have heard of people remembering things that happened to them from their childhood much later in life.  Like my mother for instance, at 40 years old she one-day remembered that she had been a victim of child molestation by an Uncle.  I don't remember ever being molested yet when I listen to psychiatrists and people who analyze the lives of people who have been molested I find I relate strongly to their negative behaviors. What is my excuse if I had not been molested?

A check up from the neck up...

I remember waiting in the traditional ‘Waiting room” area and looking around at the few other faces in the room. Glancing around wondering to myself, I wonder what their problem is? The funny thing is, they all LOOKED like they had issues. Do I look like that? Do I wear a tired look of distress on my face? Do my shoulders roll forward, do my eyes seem vacant is my appearance unkempt?  Maybe, maybe not – but one thing for sure is, we all have issues. Before I could imagine and develop the issues of my characters scenarios I heard my name called.

Ms. Scott?

What Got Left Behind…

I went to New York City for 5 days on a vacation. I took my Baby with me and I had a fantastic time. We went sight seeing like true tourists, hit a couple Broadway shows, ate Philly Cheese steaks, visited the Empire State Building, got lost on the subway, ate Huge Slices of Pizza Pie, visited Harlem and the Apollo theater, even went to ground zero. It was a fun filled week.

When it was time to go I packed up all my belongings and rushed to the airport. I couldn’t wait to see my boyfriend and get back to our loving routine. Logan picked me up from the airport and drove me home. I was so happy. As I was unpacking from my week long trip it slowly dawns on me… I forgot the one thing I could not afford to forget.

I left my Baby at the hotel!

What I can’t Deny…

I can’t deny that I am a mixed concoction of African American meets Caucasian persuasion. All of the standard traits one with a mixed heritage like mine possess.

Mixed complexion skin, not ivory or creamy at all, no I would never pass as a white woman. Yet, I am not the chocolate brown that cry’s out “She’s Black!” either. I am in a limbo of lost belonging on a bridge of strange, different... Some say “Exotic”.

Is it? Exotic? Or is that just the kind way of saying you’re weird, but it’s working for you.

Out on bail and going to jail...

Out on bail and going to jail. I don't know when, or for how long because the court proceedings have only just begun, but I am pretty certain that I will loose my freedom.

Understanding

I need to prepare.  Need to do more than live in my head. I need to express myself. I need to come clean… or at least prepare to come clean.

Nobody knows me. I think most would say they do, but they have no idea. You know what I want you to know. Some of it may be deep, all of it revealing enough to bring you closer to me. But the truth is, you never knew me. I have never trusted anyone enough for them to really know me. Maybe if I had, I might not be here in this position today.

How do  justify my actions? How do I make sense of the risks I took? How can I possibly validate my life up to this point?

Who will understand. How can anyone understand? Why would anyone understand? Even I don’t understand!